We all had a specially memorable evening on 31st January 1999, I’m sure. I spent mine with a select group of special friends. It was a fabulous evening. We were all invited to dinner in the spacious house of one of my closest old friends, and we were all given a task for the evening. The hosts were cooking the dinner, other guests were in charge of cocktails, making crepes suzettes, reading poetry, singing, telling jokes, doing conjuring tricks, etc and finally, setting off fireworks, as the highlight of the night. My task was to write a risqué story with three of the men at the party as characters, two of them had to be rogues and the host was to be the hero. I was also supposed to include Sharon Stone in sexy scenes with the host. The story was to be read at the end of the evening after the fireworks, and after we were all well oiled, of course. This is what I came up with:-
A Millennium Story.
The story I am about to recount to you is absolutely true, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. This story is never to be repeated outside of this room. This is the story of three good friends – Sean Shagalot, Brian Bragalot and Graham Grabalot.
Sean Shagalot is a very well respected member of society – managing director of a vast financial empire in the City. He used to play all sorts of sport – football, tennis, squash etc and was a brilliant swimmer. He was very muscular, handsome, debonair and sophisticated in his younger days, but the evidence of an excess of exotic business lunches is now starting to show. He loves his gourmet food and vintage wines, and is always an excellent host. He adores his children, and tries to spend as much of his spare time with them as possible. He has but one weakness – he cannot resist sexy women! He is very much in love with his wife, but still obsessed with his fantasies about sex symbols such as Sharon Stone.
Sean Shagalot has known Brian Bragalot and Graham Grabalot for several years.
Brian Bragalot is a formidable character. He has seen better days. He has always had boundless energy and maintained his slender body. Almost an alcoholic, some say he must have have hollow legs. Due to several frights in his formative years, his thick and wavy hair turned prematurely white, and his long silver locks are now his crowning glory. But the ravages of his army days and several clashes in and out of the boxing ring, have taken their toll on his face. None the less, he is very popular with the ladies, and a constant source of amusement to everyone except his poor long-suffering wife. He heads several diverse businesses in the county, and as he will frequently tell you, he has done everything, been everywhere, and what he can’t sell ain’t worth selling!
Graham Grabalot is a very likeable and handy man to know. He is a carpenter by trade and can turn a piece of wood into a miniature masterpiece. His twinkling eyes have an aura of honesty and innocence, which have led to the respect he has earned in the village where he frequently does favours for people, for very little reward. He has seemingly led a very healthy and respectable life, and his youthful looks belie the age he really is. There appears to be no dirt on Graham, however there is a slight air of mystery about him, which no-one can quite identify.
The date is December 31st – the year 1999. The turn of the Millennium.
Picture the scene – a gathering of loyal and trusted friends about to celebrate not only the New Year, but also the coming of the New Century. Sean Shagalot is the host. He and his young, seductive wife, Lavinia, have prepared a veritable feast for the event. Sean has planned what is to follow very carefully. His closest friends are assembled. The atmosphere is exhilarating . Each of the friends have been given a task to make the New Millennium memorable. Jenny, one of the ladies, had mixed some marvelous cocktails before the meal. Her husband Tom, who sings in a choir in their local village, had treated everyone to a song or two between courses, and Sheila had read some beautiful poetry. Lord Leonard’s wife Laura had cooked some crepes suzette. Comedy Dave had done his stuff after coffee, and Lord Leonard, as he was fondly nicknamed, had followed with his stand up comedy routine, a bit near the mark, but it caused a good laugh. What was to follow at midnight were the fireworks, which Brian Bragalot was tasked to do. Graham Grabalot was then going to do his conjuring tricks. To finish the night, Brian’s wife Brenda was going to read a story she had written especially for the occasion.
It looked like it was going to be an idyllic New Year, New Century. The atmosphere was getting rowdier as it was approaching midnight, and they nearly missed the ring on the doorbell at 11.30pm. Fortunately Brian Bragalot was just coming out of the downstairs loo at the time, so he answered the door. The others were guffawing so loudly, they didn’t hear it.
The jokes continued, the wine flowed freely. For a while, nobody noticed that Brian Bragalot had not returned to the room. The clock chimed the last quarter of the century, and Brian’s wife glanced at her new Faberge watch. It confirmed that they were into the last fifteen minutes of what had been to her yet another of those dreadful frenetic years. “Maybe the next century will bear better tidings”, she sighed.
“Where’s my rat of a husband?” she boredly asked. “Late as ever?” It was Brian’s task to set off the fireworks on the stroke of midnight, and he was notoriously late for everything – people said he would even be late for his own funeral!
Sean Shagalot said “The old boy has probably fallen asleep on the khasi – I’ll go and look for him.” He went out to the loo door. He hadn’t got around to fixing the lock on the door since they had moved into their new abode, and people were asked to sing while they were in the loo, but he couldn’t hear anything, so he opened the door. There was no sign of Brian. Sean then went into the kitchen and lo and behold, Brian was just coming in through the back door. He had the smuggest grin on his face that Sean had ever seen!
“What have you been up to?” quizzed Sean.
“You’ll never believe me when I tell you,” answered Brian. “But for God’s sake don’t tell anyone else about it, particularly my wife.”
“About what?” enquired Sean.
“Well, when I came out of the khasi, there was a knock on the front door and someone rang the bell, so I answered the door. There was a woman standing at the door in a long black cloak, with a fur hood. You will never guess who!”
“Who was it?” whispered Sean.
“No!” exclaimed Sean. “Go on, tell me more.”
“Well, she beckoned me outside. Round the corner there is parked a ……………………