There are fairies at the bottom of our garden

by | Sep 21, 2012 |, Humour | 0 comments

I know that there are definitely some fairies living at the bottom of my garden, and that they come into my house on a regular basis to cause havoc. In my house, the answer to any question such as “Who did this?” or “Who ate that?” never gets an answer from any member of my family. I can ask each one of them individually, but I never find the culprit. As neither the dog nor the cat is capable of doing some of the things that happen in our house, I can only conclude that the fairies do them.

One day last year I lost my watch. I knew I had put it down on the table in my kitchen when I did the washing up after supper, but the next morning when I went to look for it, there was no sign of it. “Has anyone seen my watch?” I asked, but no-one had. Amazingly though, when I went to wash my husband’s dressing gown a week or so later, I found my watch in the pocket while I was checking it for tissues. I asked him about it later, but he had no idea how my watch came to be in his pocket. “The fairies must have put it there”, he said.

These same fairies come into our kitchen and raid our fridge, eat the last yoghurt and drink the last of the orange juice. They drop sugar all over the work surface. They leave the milk out of the fridge to go off. They leave the lid off the jam pot so that wasps get into it. They put toast crumbs all over the butter.

The fairies go into our bathroom as well. They use the last sheets on the toilet roll and don’t replace it with a new roll. They leave wet towels in a heap on the floor instead of hanging them up to dry. They leave a scummy mess around the wash basin.

Our fairies love to keep playing pranks on us by hiding things. The TV remote is a prime example, and they hide this nearly every day, especially when there is football on. Miraculously though, the remote turns up again when the football is over. But worst of all is when they hide my glasses. That is so unfair. Now how on earth am I supposed to find my glasses when I can’t see properly? They hide our phones too, but they are easy to find because we can ring the missing phone from another phone and locate it when we hear it ring. What a pity I can’t do that with my glasses.

Our fairies borrow socks. Every time I do a wash, there are an odd number of socks that come out of the washing machine. Now, as all my family have two feet, I know they wear two socks at a time, so why do I only find one sock of a certain pair? Eventually the other sock turns up some weeks later, and another different sock disappears. I don’t know what the fairies do with all the socks that they seem to like collecting. Perhaps they use them for sleeping bags.

Then there are the teaspoons, or rather the lack of teaspoons in our house. I buy them on a regular basis in sets of six. One seems to disappear nearly every week, never to be seen again. What on earth do our fairies do with all those teaspoons? They’ve started stealing our forks now as well. I wish they would return my kitchen scissors soon though, as I need them and I don’t want to have to buy another new pair.

Last week I caught my husband talking to the fairies down the bottom of the garden. He was so absorbed in his conversation with them that he didn’t hear me coming up behind him. He was asking them to look after his plants nicely while he was away. Does he have a deal with them to hide the TV remote when the football is on too? They didn’t look after my husband’s plants very well though, as a lot of them had been eaten by slugs when we got home.

The worrying thing is that our fairies now seem to have learned how to drive my car. While I was away on holiday with my husband, my car managed to clock up an extra two hundred miles, and what was an almost full tank of petrol, now needs refuelling. My two teenagers say they only went a couple of miles or so in the car, so the fairies must have borrowed the car to do the rest of the mileage. I wonder where they went.

Our fairies seem to have been looking after our house well while we were away. Everything was extremely clean and tidy when we returned, which is most unusual when my two teenagers never think about clearing up without being told. Perhaps our fairies felt that we deserved to come back to a clean house. However, yesterday I found a crack on my white china rabbit where his head was badly glued back onto his body. He had been intact when we went away. When I went to empty the rubbish bin, I found umpteen empty cans of beer in the wheelie bin outside. I don’t think my children drink beer, so that must have been the fairies too. I think they must have had a party in our house. I hope they had a good time and didn’t upset my neighbours by playing loud music.

I think I will go down to the end of the garden now and have a nice long chat with our fairies to see if they can use their influence and help me pick next week’s lottery numbers.


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